Metempsychosis
She feels good, I feel good around her. Her is all I want as of now.
Words do not seem to come easy with all these new strong feelings, aside from that. I'm afraid to put it down on paper, to make it real. Memorable. But it's real, for real once. Not some series of events that my mind painted as a pretty memories. I never fully understood why I suddenly was afraid to let anyone in again, until I let someone in again. I suddenly noticed a lot of things about myself I failed to see before, I'm afraid to lose the people I love.
Why? God knows. I've lost the one that I thought of was the one, but when I look back at it, she's just the first one, not 'the one'. And the one may not even exist, but so be it. One thing I do know for sure, I met someone that makes me feel it all. Love, pain, anger, jealousy, happiness and above all reality.
A while back I was put for a choice, to continue dreaming or to try and live in reality for once. And so I did, I woke up. She tore me open, let my inner darkness seep out of my eyes. All the pain and hurt I've been keeping behind those walls finally came out, I felt empty. By now I realized it was just to finally move on and start over. Gave my heart away to her for safe keeping, purged the pain to make room for new pain. Fresh pain, fresh love. Fresh everything.. and it feels good. She feels good, I feel good around her. Her is all I want as of now.
Can't pinpoint the exact origin of my fear of absence of the ones I care about, I only lost two people I cared for more than I could handle to live without. And one little critter, my pet rat Damien. When I lost them, it felt as if someone kicked my legs away from beneath me and I collapsed down to the ground. One of the two returned to me thankfully, the other I quit feeling the need for to hold on to any longer.
Now there's just her, and two of my kindred. I think I even feel ready to drop one, I thought I cared for, but it was only mere perseverance that kept me holding on for so long..